dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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