At least make sure they are 18
Why
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
