nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
