remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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