We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want nice things and good sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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