Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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