its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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