So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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