I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
