so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
