What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
