Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
