I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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