$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
