My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
