I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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