he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
