The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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