I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want a musical about memes.
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