thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
