come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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