Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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