i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
