Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
