but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
wanna go halves on a baby?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
