i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
