whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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