You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
