Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
