it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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