I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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