I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
