you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
