Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Acid is not a monday night drug
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
