Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
