It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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