Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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