I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
