i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
