He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
