I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
