Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
