Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
