one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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