8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
