I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
