Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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