i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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