Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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