The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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