Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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