Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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